What is Noahide culture?

It’s certainly not whatever-Jews-seem-to-do.  Nor is it whatever-Gentiles-seem-to-do.  So what is it?

First of all, we need to understand that what most people think of as “Jewish Culture” is not really Jewish.  It’s the expression of assimilated Jews into their host culture.  A prime example is Chanukah in America.

The core concept of the Chanukah story is Jews defending Judaism against those who wanted to assimilate into Greek culture.  This included Jew vs. Greek and Jew vs. Jew, r”l.  Tragically Chanukah in America has a lot to do with assimilation (8 days of presents?) and little to do with Judaism.

I recently saw cards and books such as the ones below at a Jewish Museum gift shop (of all places).

This is not an expression of Judaism.  It is an expression of America’s melting pot.  Orthodox Jews prefer that America (at least) be a salad bowl of distinct foods rather than a melting pot of indistinct alloy.

So what is true Jewish culture?
It’s the thing you find in every Jewish culture around the world.  Iraqi Jews never heard of European klezmer music because Klezmer music is only a byproduct of Jewish exile in Europe¹; it is not inherently Jewish - however, both European and Iraqi Jews read from the Torah, study Talmud, eat matzah but not chametz on Passover, etc.

True Jewish culture is Torah and Mitzvot (commandments).

So what is true Noahide culture?
If there even is such a thing as Noahide culture, I would like to suggest it is that which is found in every Noahide home and Noahide community, no matter where they are on the planet.

True Noahide culture, in my opinion, is the expression of love, admiration, and reverence for the G-d of Israel, His Torah, and His People.

The question is, what direction will American culture take from here on out?

Land of Noahides or Land of Other-hides?
Land of Jefferson or Land of Hamilton?

To be continued in the next post…

There is no “right way” for Bnei Noach to get married.¹  Rather, the questions to ask are:

1) What action(s) on our behalf constitute establishment of our marriage
2) What ceremonies are fitting and appropriate for Bnei Noach weddings

The length of this post will give one example of how you might answer question #2.

To answer question #1:

The subject of Noahide marriage according to Torah is discussed in the book “The Path of the Righteous Gentile,” in the chapter on Sexual Relations:

“Under the Seven Universal Commandments [for Gentiles], a woman is considered to be a man’s wife when the couple has sexual relations [in the normal manner] with the intent² that it constitute marriage.”

*******

Source: (Rabbi Mordechai)

…

…My third thought was that I wouldn’t know what ritual to use. I wouldn’t want to use Jewish ritual – they are not Jewish, and are under no illusions on that matter. So what would I do?

On the other hand: Come on, how cool is that, getting to do a Noachide wedding?

So I emailed colleagues, who clarified that a rabbi is empowered to perform any wedding which conforms with municipal law, but who had no idea what ritual to use. I Googled “Noachide Weddings” and “Noahide Weddings” and came up with this page, but the contents made me uncomfortable; I really didn’t like their adaptation of key Jewish wedding elements – the berachah [blessing] on wine, the ketubah, the Chuppah canopy.

But some colleagues of mine urged me on, pointing out that it’s pretty rare for an Orthodox rabbi to have a chance to get really creative!

Then, as I talked to the couple more and met with them, they were so visibly sincere that I fell in love with the idea beyond the “adventure” level. It was a chance to help good people do a good thing, in a meaningful way. Isn’t that why I’m a rabbi in the first place?

So I developed a ceremony which drew on biblical themes common for Jews and non-Jews, and meaningful for a wedding.

Here’s what we did:

1) They had found a non-denominational chapel in a park, and we used that space. As they stood together, I sang the traditional Jewish chuppah songs of Mi Adir and Mi Ban Siach.

2) I then presented a dvar torah on the Torah’s history of marriage, going back to Adam and Chavah [Eve]. I explained the Adam I and Adam II narratives, using Ramban’s idea that one narrative is creation of the soul (unified) and the other is creation of the body (separate). I talked about why Adam and Chavah benefit from being of two separate bodies – the idea, expressed in various commentaries, that the man and woman complement each other with their strengths, and so accomplish things they could never accomplish as one unit.

3) They had wanted to give each other rings, and written their own declaration of love and faithfulness for the occasion, so they did that at this point. I had them say “Behold you are sanctified to me,” taking the first half of the Jewish formula and dropping the “according to the laws of Moses and Israel” segment.

4) They had wanted to have a toast with wine at this point, but I was uncomfortable because of halachic [Torah Law] issues which are beyond the scope of this blog, and because of the adoption of a very Jewish wedding practice. So I decided to use water instead.

I explained the biblical significance of water, tracing it from the water present at Creation, through the punitive water of the flood rolling back Creation, through the water in which Jews drowned in Egypt, through the punitive water of Yam Suf [Sea of Reeds], through water from a stone in the desert, etc. My point was the power embedded by Gd in this natural element.

We recited the berachah [blessing] on water together (the berachah itself – “that all comes into existence at Gd’s command” – being very appropriate for the occasion), and drank.

5) To close the wedding I adapted a tefillah [prayer] authored by Rabbi Yochanan, presented in Yerushalmi Berachot 4:1, to read as follows:

יהי רצון מלפניך רבונו של עולם שתשכן בבתינו אהבה ואחוה ושלום ורעות ותצליח סופינו אחרית ותקוה ותרבה גבולנו בחברים ותקנינו לב טוב וחברים טובים ונשיש בחלקנו ונשכים ונמצא ייחול לבבנו

May it by Your will, Master of the Universe, that You bring love and brotherhood and peace and friendship into our home, that You give us success and hope, that You broaden our boundaries with friends, that You establish for us a good heart and good friends, that You make us happy with our lot, and that we rise each day to find our hearts’ desire.

On the whole, it was a remarkable experience. I was moved by their sincerity, and by their respect for Torah and Jewish belief.

I’m glad I did it - not because it was unusual, but because it really was cool in a much deeper way.

*********

Channeling Champions
by Alice Johnson

First I must say there should be gold medals given for Torah scholarship, commitment to family and community, and feeding the hungry. Despite the fact that this doesn’t happen maybe at all here on earth, or at least not with the same financial backing and fanfare as the Olympic games, I still find the Olympics thrilling and beautiful. And they have made me think a great deal this year because they are about much more than scores and tacky uniforms.

King Solomon in Proverbs 22:6 says, “Educate the youth according to his way…”

For those of you who are too busy to watch the Olympics, Michael Phelps is one of the most astounding and terrifically gifted athletes alive today. He is an American swimmer. He could also kill a Goliath. I’m pretty sure.

Image left: US President Bush speaks with Michael Phelps after he won another Olympic gold medal in Beijing two weeks ago

I have a feeling that people all over the world saw the same interview with Michael Phelp’s mother. According to his mother Michael has ADHD (Attention deficit /Hyperactivity disorder) and as a child was constantly on the move, bouncing off the walls. She even says his mouth was constantly on the move. I thought that was a little harsh. But it paints a picture. We probably have all known or currently know a kid like this. Kids who are hard to keep up with are often irritating because they remind us of how lazy we can be. Sometimes God gives the tortoise a hare to raise. These kids often have low self esteem and fail because we are all too slow and fail to see their energy as a blessing.

Smart mom that Mrs. Phelps is, she got her son Michael involved in swimming to help him direct his energy. That’s code for ‘wear him out’. I’m kidding. Kind of. Most parents figure out that their kids’ behavior can change radically when they are given a healthy outlet for their energy. So instead of letting him drool for hours in front of a TV playing video games, she took him to the pool most days of the week, which probably wasn’t very easy given that she was a single mom supporting three kids.

At age eleven Michael’s swim coach told Mrs. Phelps that he had Olympic potential and that they should start training for the next Olympic games. She thought he was nuts but said OK. Now Michael at age twenty-three has more gold medals than any other athlete in Olympic history.

Instead of forcing her unique and wonderful kid into a mold too small for him, Mrs. Phelps put her son in a position to succeed. She channeled his energy and set him up to win. That’s a great trick. Without knowing it, she implemented King Solomon’s advice to the letter and educated her son according to his talents and aptitude. Many other mothers and fathers might have had a Ritalin-dependant loser but Mrs. Phelps channeled her child to championship by utilizing the positive side of what appears to be a drawback.

Instead of pretending that we know better than the Creator and breaking kids until they conform to a cookie cutter standard, look for their gifts, utilize them properly, and set them up for success. It seems to me this is honoring the child and honoring God at the same time.

By contrast, let us look at the Chinese government approach to training gymnasts. They have no use for King Solomon. What I have to say about the Chinese government’s approach to training gymnasts is not positive. I am in no way trying to impugn every coach in China or every gymnast in China, or every Chinese parent who allows his or her child to train for the international competition. I still don’t like what I have learned, really at all.

…¹

Michael Phelps is living proof of what proper child-energy channeling can do. This is an amazing lesson for parents and teachers alike. Conclusion? There’s no such thing as bad kids. When you see what appears to be a bad child, there are parents and teachers that have failed to channel the child’s God-given gifts into the right path. Let’s not forget King Solomon’s lesson.

The positive attitude of Judaism toward sexuality stands in sharp contrast with a more negative picture that developed in early Christianity. Although Christians disagreed on the nature of Adam’s sin in the Bible, it was generally believed to be tied up with sexuality. Paul particularly emphasized this attitude. According to Elaine Pagels, a Christian scholar:

“He [Paul] often speaks of marriage in negative terms, as a sop for those too weak to do what is best: renounce sexual activity altogether. Paul admits that marriage is ‘not sin’ yet argues that it makes both partners slaves to each other’s sexual needs and desires, no longer free to devote their energies ‘to the Lord’ [1 Cor. 7:1‑35].

Admittedly, Paul was speaking to a community that believed the kingdom of God was imminent. Even after such hopes failed, however, this identification of sex with sin was further developed by the early fathers of the church, particularly Augustine, and has remained influential in Christianity to this day.”

The concept that the sin of Adam and Eve was related to sexuality is not a mainstream idea in Torah. On a number of levels, I’m not qualified to speak about the true perspective that G-d’s Torah gives us on sexuality. So I’ll leave it to one of the holiest rabbis in Jewish history:

“We the possessors of the Holy Torah believe that G-d, may He be praised, created all, as His wisdom decreed, and did not create anything ugly or shameful. For if sexual relations were repulsive, then the reproductive organs are also repulsive…If the reproductive organs are repulsive, how did the Creator fashion something blemished? If that were so, we should find that His deeds were not perfect.” (attributed to Nachmanides)

Like most other things the Torah instructs us to do or not to do, it all boils down like this: proper time, proper place, proper person.

A lovely post by Rabbi Lazer Brody on dietary wisdom.

הִגִּיד לְךָ אָדָם, מַה-טּוֹב; וּמָה-יְהוָה דּוֹרֵשׁ מִמְּךָ, כִּי אִם-עֲשׂוֹת מִשְׁפָּט וְאַהֲבַת חֶסֶד, וְהַצְנֵעַ לֶכֶת, עִם-אֱלֹהֶיךָ

It hath been told thee, O man, what is good, and what Hashem doth require of thee: only to do justly, and to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with thy G-d.
(Micah 6:8)

(source: tzniut)
Humility is a paramount ideal within Judaism. Moses is referred to as “exceedingly humble, more than any man in the world” (Numbers 12:3).

The Talmud states that humility is one of the characteristic traits of the Jewish people. (Talmud, Tractate Yevamot 79a.)

Tzniut (modesty) includes a group of laws concerned with modesty, in both dress and behavior. It is first mentioned in this context by the prophet Micah (6:8): “[...] and to walk humbly (hatzne’a leches) with your G-d”.

In the Babylonian Talmud, Rabbi Elazar Bar Tzadok connected this prophetic precept with modesty and discretion in dress and in behavior (Tractate Sukkah 49b).

(Let me know if you share the following dilemma...)

Dilemma

I want to be
        famous
so I can be
        humble
about being
        famous.

What good is my
        humility
when I am
        stuck
in this
        obscurity?

	-- David Budbill

As a follow up to yesterday’s post on the real names for the days of the week, here’s an answer to a very common and important question for Bnei Noah.

How Do Noahides Observe the Sabbath (Shabbat / Shabbos)?

(source: WikiNoah.org)
(excerpted from “Noahide Commandments” Download PDF | View Online)

Rabbi Yoel Schwartz (Jerusalem Court for Bnei Noah)

A Noahide should not observe the Shabbat in the manner that a Jew does. Nor should he make a point of abstaining from hard physical work on the Shabbat. A Noahide should not give occasion for a Jew to break the Shabbat.

There are those who say that every Ger Toshav (a non-Jew living in Eretz Yisrael in the time of the Jewish Temple, who has formally accepted the obligation to observe the Noahide laws in front of a Jewish court) has to uphold and keep the Sabbath (Rashi, Kritot 9, Yevamot 40). There is room to suggest that the Noahides, even nowadays, by accepting to fulfill the seven commandments, are in the same category as a Ger Toshav and should, according to Rashi, be required or at least allowed to keep the Shabbat. So I (Rav Schwartz) would like to suggest that this is the way that the Noahides could celebrate the Seventh Day, a day of refraining from his vocation. On the eve of the Sabbath (Friday night), they might have a festive family dinner with special food and light candles after sundown in honor of the Seventh Day, which was given to Adam and Noah (and to make the Noahide celebration of the Shabbat distinct from the Jewish Shabbat observance). During the meal they may sing songs to strengthen their belief, including songs about the creation. They may read from the Torah. They should not call this day the Sabbath, but the Seventh Day as it is written in Genesis.

On the Seventh Day itself, if they can arrange it without difficulty, they should refrain from going to work. If possible, they should go out to the fields or a park so as to feel close to the Creator of the world. If the congregation holds a prayer session, they may recite the Psalms connected to the Sabbath and to the creation (like Psalm 104). Also they should study portions of the Torah connected to commandments of the children of Noah. They can study from the weekly portion of the Torah being read that Sabbath in the synagogues those subjects which concern all mankind and skipping those topics that concern specifically the Jews.

At the end of the Sabbath (Motzai Shabbat), the end of the Seventh Day and the beginning of the new week, they can recite the prayer for the new week (Havdalah) after having lit a havdalah candle, to thank G-d for having taught Adam how to make fire, which is the source of all energy that enabled man to make changes in this world. This Havdalah prayer, that separates the Seventh Day from the beginning of the week, can be recited as a Noahide wishes and can go something like this.

Blessed are you our G-d, King of the Universe, Who differentiates between darkness and light, between day and night, between the seventh day from the first day of the week, between the clean and the unclean, between the sacred and secular, between holy days and regular days, between Israel and the rest of the nations, who together are partners in one holy objective, to make Your Name holy in this world. AMEN.

(See more in the lengthy discussion here.)

Why did I choose this video? Why didn’t I choose one of the big Torah scholars on YouTube? Why do I feel he articulates such a beautiful message, despite the imperfections in his enunciation?

Because “Words which emanate from the heart, enter the heart.”

Shabbat Shalom!

(source: Ohr Somayach)

Dear Rabbi,

While on a plane from Boston to Philadelphia two weeks ago, I happened to look at the cover of the book the man seated next to me was reading. On the back cover of the book, the following quotation appeared: “Words written from the heart, enter the heart.” As a scholar and professor, I was very moved by the quotation and wrote it down for my own keeping. The quote was attributed to “The Sages.”

I would like to ask: Where do these words appear in the vast writings of The Sages? I would be very grateful if you could find the time to provide me with an exact reference so that I might consult the entire text and see in what context the statement was made.

Dear Dr. C.,

“Words which emanate from the heart, enter the heart” is sometimes quoted in the name of “the Sages,” meaning that it is from the Mishnah, Talmud or Midrash. But the truth is that the source for this phrase is a bit of a mystery! Although it has indeed become an accepted Jewish teaching, it does not seem to appear in any of the above mentioned sources!

…

I would like to propose that the phrase is an application of the principle taught by King Solomon in Proverbs: “As water [reflecting] the face is to the face, so a man’s heart is to [his fellow] man.” Meaning that the human heart intuits the emotions of others, and thus if one speaks with an open heart, the heart of the listener will be open as well.

In the late 1800’s Poland issued a ban against shechita (ritual slaughter of animals). It is told that Rabbi Yisrael Meyer Kagan, the Chafetz Chaim, came before the Polish officials to plead for the rescinding of this decree which would cause tremendous hardship for Poland’s Jews. The Chafetz Chaim pleaded passionately, in Yiddish. When he’d finished and the translator began translating into Polish, the official said, “Stop. You don’t need to translate.” He was so moved by the Chafetz Chaim’s words, even though he hadn’t understood them, that he agreed to do all he could to help rescind the decree.

Sources:

* Tractate Berachot 6b
* Proverbs 27:19, see Metzudot David

In the industrialized world, the average person watches 3 hours of TV a day.
In 75 years, that adds up to 9 years of television. What would our children, an entire generation of children, be like if they had those 9 years back?

Judy and her husband are raising 3 girls, aged 7, 5, and 3. In the following interview, Judy opens us to the beautiful world of the TV-free home.

iHN: How do you approach the issue of TV?

J: We have a TV with an antenna and get 5 or 6 channels. And we have DVD/VCR player. The kids don’t watch any TV at all though. What we do is we let each of our three girls get one 30 minute video a week, or they can all watch something together that’s 90 minutes long, such as a movie from our movie shelf.

iHN: Why do you choose not to watch TV in your home?

J: Well, I would break the issue of TV down into two components The first is the medium itself: We want them to learn to entertain themselves, not to be trained [by TV] to have a passive experience as a spectator – you know, “Entertain me!”

The second issue with TV is the content: I’m not comfortable with anything that’s on [TV] today. Nick Jr. is medium-okay, but I would rather they played on the Nick Jr. website for 15 minutes, because it’s at least interactive. But even the website is really not so good for them.

iHN: And what about you and your husband? Do you guys watch TV?

J: We watch maybe one hour a week. Saturday Night Live, or sitcom or something.

But I definitely notice it has an addictive nature. Most shows are setup to leave you hanging so I will want to watch again. When I’m tired at the end of the day, it’s so easy to just plop on the couch. And I think that what will be refreshing is watching TV for an hour, but in the end [it never is], and I end up thinking that I wasted that hour or hour and a half.

[iHN: Actually, the statistics show that most TV viewers believe that they watch more TV than they should.]

iHN: Can you describe your children’s reaction just before you turn the TV on?

J: They get ecstatic! They jump up and down, they scream, they run to the video closet. They start debating and negotiating – which is really interesting to watch. And usually they come up with a good resolution on which video to watch.

iHN: Can you describe what you observe about your children while they are watching TV?

J: Oh gosh. Well, one time I have had my perfectly potty trained 7-year old wet her pants because she didn’t want to ask me to pause the movie so she could go to the bathroom. She knew she was going to pee her pants, but that I would get upset if she did it on the couch – so she stood up, moved to the floor and peed her pants, all without taking her eyes off of the screen.

They can be hungry, and have food in front of them, but they won’t eat. TV just overrides all other needs. And if I pause it, they will put food in their mouths immediately.

iHN: Can you Describe your children’s reaction to turning off the TV?

J: They’re so sad. They were so excited right before, and during, and now it’s over – total let down. If it’s really [a] great [video], then there is a sense of conclusion and closure. Then they are satisfied and happy – “oh, that was great Momma.” Otherwise, it’s sadness, moaning, whining - totally like an addiction. They will almost always ask for another one, even though there has never once been a time where they got to watch another and I always say “no” to their requests.

iHN: Can you describe your children’s behavior for the first 15 minutes after the TV is turned off?

J: If they watch just before going to sleep, the whining continues for a while because it transfers into the general going to sleep routine, so about 45 minutes all together.

But if it’s during the day, the withdrawal lasts 10 or 15 minutes. But that’s usually because I put a lot of effort preparing another activity to have ready before we even turn on the TV. Otherwise that whining could easily last an hour if I didn’t have another activity waiting for them to transition from TV.

iHN: Wow. I’m so impressed that you think of things like that. You really take an active role in raising your children, rather than “dealing” with them.

J: Thank you!

iHN: And what what do you notice different about your children’s behavior, imagination, problem-solving, and other skills compared to children that watch TV regularly?

J: Well, you have to first know that our kids are impacted by both home-schooling and No-TV.

But I would say that their creativity is unique:

My kids have much longer attention spans and are much more creative than the average kids in our community.

For example, my children can easily spend 2 - 3 hours making blanket forts. And during that time they will be 100% engaged with their story of blanket forts. For 2 - 3 hours!

iHN: Wow! 2 - 3 hours. What a blessing that must be.

J: Absolutely. Another example is paper dolls. They can play with paper dolls for 2 - 3 hours, and they will have an elaborate plot with subplots and characters with different relationships!

And I have never heard my children tell me that they’re bored. It just doesn’t happen. They find things to do. For example, they love to take my camera, then they take toys, set it up, take pictures and make an animation with them.

Socially:

A lot of it is Home Schooling. But part of it is that [since they don’t watch TV] they are not able to predict what’s going to happen next in life.

For example, when we watch a video, they will not catch some subtle foreshadowing, whereas other kids will predict what’s going to happen next. In the Sound of Music, they were totally shocked when the young boy becomes a Nazi. A kid who is more media savvy may have picked that up.

iHN commentary: So in other words, her children have retained the natural wonder and awe of the world that all children are born with. This wonder and awe usually comes with an optimism about the world we live in.

However, the cultural trend today is bent on “preparing” kids for the dangerous and terrible world that awaits them. This does not leave much room for children to grow a love and appreciation for the world they are inheriting.

If we want kids to become responsible caretakers of our society and our planet, one of the keys to our success will be our ability to unplug from the plug-in drug: TV.

iHN: So Judy, I gotta ask. After everything you’ve said, why watch TV at all?

J: That is a really great question!

I think some of the stories and movies out there are very classic, and can create a bonding experience. And for our kids, watching a movie as a family is a lot more special because it’s so limited for them.

There are a couple videos that are educational to – like some biblical stories videos.

I like showing them musicals because it’s so interactive. They start singing! It’s the major difference between bad videos and good videos.

Lion King for example: it’s funny and they laugh, but mostly it’s just jaws open and eyes staring.

But if we watch The Sound of Music, or Singing in the Rain, they are up dancing around the room – and so am I! It’s great. They also ask me to pause and explain what’s going on. We did that with The Sound of Music, and it took us 3 nights to explain and learn everything together!

iHN: Wow, that really is amazing. Thank you so much for sharing with us, Judy.

J: Your very welcome.

1. Brock, Barbara. Living Outside the Box.
2. Kubey, Robert, and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Television Addiction is No Mere Metaphor. Scientific American (2002): 48-55.
3. Michael Medved and Diane Medved PhD. Saving Childhood: Protecting Our Children from the National Assault on Innocence.
4. Winn, Marie. The Plug-In Drug: Television, Computers, and Family Life.